MJLeen

But I couldnt

2011-12-28T03:52:00.001+08:00

If only parts of memories can be selected to be wiped off. Life would have been easier.

Jolly Christmas

2011-12-26T00:07:00.001+08:00

Started with:

Parties, booze, games, presents.

Ended with:

Home cooked meals and quality time with love.

2011-12-19T23:58:00.001+08:00

It's broken.
I try to fix it.
I hurt myself.
It must be worth it.

Aching heart.

2011-12-19T21:55:00.001+08:00

Feeling the pain. I thought I could grit my teeth and get over it but it's hurting so much inside.

I was wrong about myself.

All smiles :)

2011-12-02T13:35:00.001+08:00

I wished I knew.

2011-11-29T02:39:00.001+08:00

Fluttering heart.
So many questions.

Happiness.

2011-11-25T01:07:00.001+08:00

I am so happy that I am crying.

Make today count.

2011-11-16T00:30:00.001+08:00

Heart of rock

2011-11-16T00:25:00.001+08:00

Cultivated by heartache
Mould by sadness
Strengthen through hurt

I'm one tough girl! :)

I am

2011-11-14T01:29:00.001+08:00

Happy.
Strong.
Fearless.
Not broken.

:)

2011-11-11T05:15:00.001+08:00

Don't be discourage its often the last key in the bunch that open the lock!

But what if the key was never there is the first place?

nightmare

2011-11-10T02:41:00.001+08:00

how did I end up waking up in tears and continue to cry in pain. somehow it didn't hurt. the crying was jus making me feel better, making my heart feel better. but i couldn't remember why.

my thoughts in darkness.

2011-11-09T02:56:00.001+08:00

I still feel broken sometimes. Maybe that's why I didn't want to stop moving. But it's draining me.

All I ever wanted was to smile again

2011-11-05T08:18:00.001+08:00

Life's bitter sweet moment

2011-10-29T20:59:00.001+08:00

A sweet boy put his arms around your shoulders and said he love you. 5 minutes later he turn the world upside down.

Oh well. Children.

Baby steps to happiness

2011-10-27T22:36:00.001+08:00

Slowly, I'm moving.
They hold on to me when I'm falling.
Took care of me when I'm failing.
Gave me love when I've lost it.
Showed me hope when I gave up.
In times like this, I've realised, I've actually gain much more than I've lost.
And I can only thank these people, my family, my friends.

how many of us can actually be like this?

2011-10-27T18:35:00.001+08:00

Just like this :)

2011-10-26T11:00:00.002+08:00

Let it be

2011-10-25T01:08:00.001+08:00

Anomie

2011-10-22T01:43:00.001+08:00

When life gives you lemonade

2011-10-21T01:11:00.001+08:00

Boyce Avenue

2011-10-20T22:51:00.002+08:00

feat Tiffany Alvord

feat Kina Grannis

keep your head up

2011-10-20T18:11:00.001+08:00

Where them girls at

2011-10-20T17:40:00.002+08:00

Time stand still

2011-10-20T17:38:00.002+08:00

which is?

2011-10-19T21:04:00.001+08:00

2011-10-18T09:59:00.001+08:00

My favourite phrases.

2011-10-17T22:18:00.001+08:00

It's that 1% that keeps me going.

Faith is the act of heart.

Sometimes we fight for something just to have them a little longer.

I didn't try my best. I know I've done my best.

Bob Marley says

2011-10-17T11:57:00.001+08:00

Someday

2011-10-16T16:39:00.001+08:00

Out of the equation

2011-10-14T22:48:00.001+08:00

Sometimes we hide

2011-10-13T22:27:00.001+08:00

nostalgia

2011-10-12T01:39:00.000+08:00

It is in these moments of tender and ridiculous nostalgia that I know something inside me is still broken

2011-10-09T22:50:00.001+08:00

pain.

2011-10-08T22:12:00.005+08:00

im hurt not because i was chided.
but because i was wronged by someone whom i thought knew me best.
And like a fool who will never see the truth,
I keep thinking something's gonna change.

2:22

2011-10-04T02:22:00.001+08:00

and i wish for you.

unriddle

2011-10-03T20:56:00.004+08:00

was it heaven's plan
i was trying so hard to let go.
and when I've finally moved a little.
heaven placed what they called fate into my life.
my life paused.
and then it all begin...

it was sweet at first.
then it became bitter.
eventually it was a bad dream.
its telling me something.
something that i didn't want to believe.
not once.
not twice.
it's the third bad dream now.
its hurting me over and over again.

Sometimes Love Just Aint Enough

2011-10-01T22:26:00.001+08:00

I don't want to lose you
but I don't want to use you just to have somebody by my side.
I don't want to hate you,
I don't want to take you
but I don't want to be the one to cry.

And that don't really matter to anyone anymore.
But like a fool I keep losing my place
and I keep seeing you walk through that door.

i don't hate you

2011-10-01T01:11:00.002+08:00

A broader perspective

2011-09-30T18:23:00.000+08:00

Learning to let go bit by bit. Some alone time with myself makes me see things I usually don't. Go to places where I've never been alone. I guess I've gotten use to being alone

I am exhausted.

2011-09-29T02:12:00.000+08:00

I don't even want to stop for a second because I know when I do, sadness will take it's chance and enter right through. Maybe I'm falling behind my own shadow. My body and mind are wearing out. But maybe that's what I want. I want to be tired mentally and physically. So at the end of the day, I don't even have the energy to think.

i never told you

2011-09-26T20:26:00.002+08:00

Meredith: “Look, it took me a long time to find him. A long time. And even then it took me a long time to even know that I wanted him. To be married. To be his wife. To have his kids. And now that I realize that, he’s lying on a table in there and my best friend’s hands are inside his chest.”

Courage

2011-09-23T01:12:00.000+08:00

Courage is when you're afraid but you keep on moving anyway

Courage is when you're in pain but you keep on living anyway

Strangers, again

2011-09-21T02:08:00.002+08:00

one of us, just stop trying.

standing strong

2011-09-20T22:14:00.002+08:00

Hey, I’ve been looking outside myself
Trying to be somebody else
But every time I got stuck in the middle, I thought
If I only let them see the girl they wanted me to be
Then I would never ever get stuck in the middle

So long.

2011-09-20T03:05:00.000+08:00

J, I know you are reading this. I feel apologetic for the heated arguments earlier on. I really don't need you to hurt me even more at this stage. Please, just go away.

Truth is, it hurts too much to love again. I've given my heart away. So you shouldn't waste yours on me. even if you said this is the last you'll be there for me. i'll still say goodbye... Because I'm not worth the wait anymore. In fact, it was never worth the wait at all.

fresh air

2011-09-19T20:02:00.002+08:00

had a good run.

have been asking myself constantly, just what have i been fighting for all along?

nobody expect things to turn out this way. but i guess, sometimes things happened when we least expect it.

if you asked me, was i ready for this outcome? No. it was totally unexpected and twisted.

do i feel hurt? You can never imagine.

but hey, you know what? despite what everyone else is saying, i've never blame, hate or resent in anyway. although it might have made my heart ache even more, its only fair to say, you've done your best. because nobody understands this better than i do.

2011-09-18T19:14:00.002+08:00

we used to joke about how feelings of 4 months can feel like 4 years. i guess nobody else can beat that anymore.

Set Fire to the Rain

2011-09-18T17:04:00.000+08:00

Going forward

2011-09-18T03:26:00.003+08:00

After all the drama, all the tears, all the sadness, I guess its time for me to move on. I am very grateful for those who stood by me, family and friends. Y'all are all that I have right now. But it is good enough.

Life still have to go on. Rather than crying and move forward, I'm gonna smile.

I promise i'll be strong.

for you.

2011-09-18T00:19:00.004+08:00

picking up the pieces you've left in my room, one by one. running my fingers through the pictures that contained our happiest memory for the last time. your presence is in every corner of my room, in fact, my heart too. leaving no more trace of you, placing each and every memory one by one into the box. each time i placed something inside, it felt like a knife just stab right through me. clearing my mail box and the pain just got worse.

7 December 2005, its 2am in the morning, you reassure me and told me you will stay with me and go through times with me.

22 January 2006, you just drop an email to say i'm simply the best

8 June 2006, i got on your nerves, sent you a long email with anger. you were angry too, but yet you told me you will never leave me nor let me leave you no matter what.

11 July 2008, you sent me pictures of you in Paris and told me you love me so so so so so much. i was proud of you.

25 December 2008 the one that pierced right through my heart for the kill, is the christmas letter that you wrote. you told me my constant blurness always reminds you of why you fell in love with me. you told me you really do not see any other person that can love you as much as i do, and do not see any other person that you can love as much as you love me. every time I'm sad, i took them out to read and they make me so much happier. this time round, it wasn't the same anymore. it just fills my heart with more saddness.

17 March 2009, 9 hours before you enlist into the army, you sent me an email. that email made me realized how much you have done for me and my family to tide us through the difficult times. it was that small gesture of yours, a few sentence, couple of words, set my mind strong to be there for you through. all these, just because you said you love me very much and that you will miss me so much.

All these seems so much like a fairytale, so in love, unbreakable. But it was because of all these, i don't believe in love anymore.

Thank you for the happiness that you've brought to me. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for being there for me through the darkest time. Thank you for teaching me about the big world out there. Thank you for being you, the honest, steadfast you. You've brought joy to my world, and will always be part of me. I guess i'm no longer an important part of your life anymore. This time round, its real. I have to set you free, let you go. I guess you've found what you've been missing. I am just unfortunate to not be the one.

These are words I really want to tell you, yet i couldn't bring myself to. I want to hate you just as much, but its hurts even more when i know that my heart till now, still doesn't hate you. Not even a single bit.

With that, please be happy. I am sorry I couldn't be the one. you deserves the best too.

Because we look silly...

2011-09-17T08:28:00.000+08:00

Tears derives from happiness, arrives when saying goodbye...

I'm coming home

2011-09-15T19:45:00.000+08:00

Let the rain wash away all the pain from yesterday...

Come what may

2011-09-13T18:27:00.000+08:00

It's funny how being alone away from somewhere, something, someone makes you realised, the world is much bigger out there. It makes you smile, makes you laugh, makes you think about only the good times and forget the bad ones.

All I think about right now are bitter sweet memories that shaped who we are today. Routine is a cycle everyone goes through. We get tired after a while. So we take a break away from people, from feelings. Only to see the world is so much bigger, you know you are missing out something, you know you want to share it with someone. Question is, do we have the courage to pick up from where we left off?

What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. We all go through ups and downs in our life. Right now, I'm merely sinking right down to the bottom. But it's okay. Because I know now the only way I can go is up! :D

getaway inspiration

2011-09-10T06:10:00.002+08:00

My new motto in life: "Focus on the better and I will become better" :D

make me feel brand new.

2011-09-09T16:08:00.003+08:00

Starting afresh.

2011-09-03T16:40:00.000+08:00

I'm travelling alone for the first time, without family, without friends, without the one I love. Having this mixed feelings within me. It's gonna be a long haul flight to UK. Thus...

My travelling companion. This very particular caption caught my attention; "Sometimes what you're searching for is there all along..."

In life, we all have this turning point. I guess this is it. With my impulse decision, i guess independency will make me come back as a stronger and happier person.

And i thank you :)

Goodbye my lover

2011-09-03T04:26:00.000+08:00

I don't understand why destiny allowed some people to meet, be in love and eventually, there's no way for them to be together.

2011-09-02T23:34:00.000+08:00

I'm flying in 23 hours, am supposed to be excited but I'm leaving with a heavy heart.

I have no idea what went wrong. I can't figure out what is going on. My mind and heart is in such a confused state it's making me so uneasy.

2011-09-01T20:46:00.000+08:00

Please don't forget me because my heart haven't moved a bit.

2011-09-01T02:03:00.000+08:00

against all odds

2011-08-28T21:41:00.003+08:00

even if the world ask me not to,

even if you ask me not to,

i still hold on to faith under my wrist,

where my pulse is.

only i know what is best for myself,

only i can decide if its the best,

so even if you think thats the best for me,

it could probably also be the worst.

my heart beats for you still.

Non living things

2011-08-28T01:01:00.000+08:00

I've lost many things in life. Most of it, i can't recover. Because they are non living things and they have no feelings towards me.

because it makes me stronger

2011-08-27T17:56:00.002+08:00

xx

2011-08-27T16:07:00.000+08:00

only you can make me feel wonderful again

2011-08-27T03:26:00.002+08:00

You are the best I ever had.

2011-08-25T00:12:00.000+08:00

I wish time can heal but what happens when in times like this, it froze.

I'm trying my best to be strong yet at the same time, my undying love will stay strong and be there for you and wait for you.

Not over you

2011-08-24T02:45:00.001+08:00

If you ask me how I'm doin I would say I'm doin just fine
I would lie and say that you're not on my mind
But I go out and I sit down at a table set for two
and finally I'm forced to face the truth
No matter what I say, I'm not over you

Words from my broken heart

2011-08-22T02:38:00.000+08:00

Since it has been inactive in here for quite awhile. I guess it's my only comfort to be letting out how I really feel without anyone reading it. If someday, you are reading it... I hope it's when we are in each others arms laughing about it.

And so it goes...

Clearing my thoughts inch by inch. Appreciating what you've done for me by far. In fact, no amount of words can describe how much it meant to me.

As my tears run dry, i think about your words, that you've carefully pen down to make me feel better by reassuring its not me. I wish I could do the same and have the chance to let you know, in fact, you've been at your best effort and I'm sorry it took me so long.

I need to let you know how I feel. Please open your heart and let me in. Day by day, my heart aches twice the pain as the day before. Reality sink in and pierce right through my heart putting me through such immense pain.

I felt like removing the pain, so I created another pain so that my heart won't ache as much. I don't know why I'm doing this, but it jus makes me feel better to be in pain elsewhere than in my heart. I couldn't eat I couldn't drink. But just as well, it eases my heart pain and shift it to somewhere else.

My bed became my best friend. It became a routine for me to cry to sleep, wake up, cry. I haven't have any motivation to get up and be strong. You've always been the only reason why I'm doing anything and everything. Now that you're not there, makes no point at all for me to do anything.

I felt like an abandon puppy. Thinking that it's the best for me and you, thinking that its gonna make my life better by not hurting me more. Truth is, I'm hurt twice as hard. I feel like Zac, our boy we raised together, thinking of what's best for him but end up with a tragic goodbye. My life filled with regrets since.

Every word pen down today, extracted my last bit of energy.
I've a poor memory to begin with, now that I'm poor in responding to my environment, every word in here meant so much to me.

Now I just wish for you to appear right in front of me. Even if it's in my dream, i am elated to the extend I don't want to wake up anymore.

All I'm asking is a chance to take place quickly. Every minute makes a difference and I'm holding my breath till the day comes.

I've finally let my heart out accumulated for 3 days.

Goodnight.

1:43am

2011-08-21T01:43:00.001+08:00

But I love you so and I couldn't let you go. I'm still hanging on.

Pain

2011-08-20T19:18:00.000+08:00

Why does it hurt so much when you think you're hurting me lesser this way. I have no more will and lost the strength you've given me. I've try every way to forget the pain but it hurts that much that nothing I do will remove it. Don't do this to me. Will you let me in?

6 years

2011-08-20T13:48:00.000+08:00

What about the happy moments we spent together?

I'm not giving up because I have faith in you, in us.

Just a stroll and...

2011-07-29T23:51:00.001+08:00

Tonight was lovely, beautiful and breathtaking.

Often, we moved along so fast we tend to forget that slowing down our pace actually let us capture vivid beautiful things.

Life is short. I will take away as many memories as I can with me.

:)

2011-07-21T00:44:00.000+08:00

Live like you're dying.

What's running through my mind at a quarter past 1am.

2011-06-16T01:13:00.000+08:00

Im not able to look through your eyes, comprehend your actions or even read your mind.

Sometimes I'm a second too slow, maybe a minute too late, or maybe it'll take a lifetime.

I wish things were much simpler and complication was never a word.

Oh baby.

2011-06-03T23:47:00.000+08:00

My heart is with you.

Oh very well

2011-05-28T01:24:00.000+08:00

One fine day when you say hi.
I know why.
I know it's just the beginning of goodbye.
You'll know I cried.

One fine day you'll see me smile.
Don't forget why.
Don't deny.
You'll know it's a perfect lie.

One fine day you'll find me gone.
Don't have to question why.
Don't have to sigh.
You'll be fine.

Breakaway

2011-05-26T01:12:00.000+08:00

Put me on a jetplane.
Feel the rush of the ocean.
The air I breath.
Embrace me in your arms.
Tell me you love me.
Let the snow fall on me.
I'll do what it takes.
To breakaway.

Not so blue

2011-05-17T01:36:00.002+08:00

I'm loving this shade of blue! Revamp time!!!

2011-05-17T01:36:00.000+08:00

Commitment or bond?

You answer me.

Sometimes

2011-05-12T01:29:00.000+08:00

You know how sometimes you are so tired, tired of waiting for the special moment. You just wanna ask yourself, just what is it that you are waiting for, that never comes.

You know how sometimes you feel you are being taken for granted, so much so that people tends to forget to give back after taking so much from you. You feel like you want to stop giving.

You know how sometimes when you feel sad, so sad that tears flow down all the way to your chin, then you realised it's actually not worth crying for.

You know how sometimes you grit your teeth so hard, so much so that you feel like giving up.

Meow!

2011-05-06T00:43:00.000+08:00

We all fear something in life. Embarrassingly, mine happens to be kitty kitty! But I promise to kiss a cat if anyone can grant me a wish!

Xoxo

Life plan

2011-05-01T18:27:00.000+08:00

What do you do if you know there were no plans in place?

Do you hop onto someone else's ship, hitch a ride, let them lead you and never to return again?

Or do you continue life without a plan?

I wish I knew the answer and saw the effort instead of leading an easy life now and think about the rest later.

When we slow down our pace

2011-03-24T23:21:00.001+08:00

We get to see much more than what we thought we have seen.

last night

2011-03-21T20:45:00.002+08:00

dream.
so real.
i didn't want to wake up.
comforting, was how i felt.

I whisper to myself and...

2011-03-19T00:55:00.000+08:00

Sometimes all I wished i heard was "You've done your best. You'll do better the next time"

But all I've been hearing was "well you have only yourself to blame that you didn't try harder"

And of course it didn't make me feel any better. I guess my biggest enemy is myself.

Mugging companion

2011-03-17T01:05:00.001+08:00

Unwind at the garden slug

2011-03-11T22:34:00.000+08:00

Spent my friday with girlfriend to unwind ourselves at The garden slug.

Best hunky sandwich I've ever tasted

Fizzy strawberry & chocolate banana smoothies

The most disappointing dish - ugly salmon cake @ $14++
not worth the money especially for those who are not a fan of sour dish.

Well there were times that my eyes were filled with water

2011-03-06T23:58:00.000+08:00

But all the world was desert dry
So I hugged my pillow closer and I tried to close my eyes
But the sound of distant thunder made me cry.....

Yes, not again!!!

2011-03-04T02:12:00.000+08:00

Another TOMS adding to my shoe collection. Yup, I know it's crazy.

And guess what? I'm going to rock my wedding with no sparkling high heels but TOMS wedding collection! Crazy or nuts - I know right!!! Hahaha

Okay, abit too early to talk about this now. But I'm totally excited!! Hahahahahah.

Peppermint mocha

2011-03-04T01:14:00.001+08:00

Every step I take, I'm closer to you.

Broken promise

2011-03-03T00:50:00.001+08:00

Someone just told me:

"But if the person is still trying to fullfill the promise I believe it's not broken yet."

And so I just broke down into tears. Well I think it's touching cos I've never thought about that.

Goodnight earthlings.

A bag of

2011-03-02T23:08:00.000+08:00

Disappointment.

Well. For all that I've done all these years. Just the best I hope I've given and maybe it was too much for me to ask the same in return.

Moody night

2011-03-02T01:26:00.001+08:00

Uncomfortable is how I am feeling right now.

topping my playlist

2011-02-18T16:04:00.001+08:00

Another!

2011-02-17T21:01:00.000+08:00

Here's another addictive snack honey bun bought for me. I think he is secretly trying to make me put on weight.

P.s I like it when the outer chocolate coating melts. Messy but delicious. Ooh la la.

Okay now back to my revision. So upset that I have to revise for my test in the most unfortunate condition.

Addicted

2011-02-16T21:17:00.000+08:00

Chewing on Percy pig that darling bought for me. I can't seem to stop. Not good not good!

Love is in the air <3

2011-02-14T22:21:00.001+08:00

Thank you darling for everything that you have done for me <3

Good morning

2011-02-14T11:43:00.001+08:00

Happy valentines day to all!

Mixed feelings

2011-02-14T03:19:00.001+08:00

Happy because I got it.

Sad because surprise element no more.

Humans are pretty hard to please.